The Doctor Doesn't Believe in Magic
by VioletBaudelaire07
Summary: Will Lord Voldemort stand a chance against the 11th Doctor, Jack Harkness, Lauren Cooper, Lord Beckett, Arthur Dent, Sherlock Holmes and a small arrogant but talented witch? Oh, and Death also appears. AU, non-HP-canon! T cos someone dies.


The Doctor Doesn't Believe in Magic!

While he hummed a tune from the 30th century that he had just heard over his wireless he pressed a few buttons on the console. After standing still for two seconds he decided that no, on his day off he'd really, _really_ try not to get into trouble for once, and pulled a green lever. The TARDIS lurched to the right side but he had foreseen this and had grabbed the railing just in time.

But then something happened that he had not predicted. All of a sudden the TARDIS vanished and was replaced by rough stone walls.

"Where have you gone?", the Doctor shouted, looking around himself and seeing only more stone walls. "Or have you redesigned yourself? Does that mean I have regenerated without noticing?" But this couldn't be! He shook his head. Had the TARDIS really just disappeared? He reconsidered and thought that it seemed more probable that _he_ had vanished and reappeared somewhere else. Something quite like what had happened to Donna when they had met the first time, but the other way 'round.

Puzzled, he looked around again. The room was completely empty. He noticed a wooden door he'd overseen before. He wanted to direct his steps towards it but then he noticed that he was in shackles. "What?", he exclaimed. He tried to reach into his pocket for this sonic screwdriver but the chains were too short to allow this movement. "Bugger!", he said, "What am I doing here? How did I get here? That's impossible!"

_No it is not!_, he heard a screeching voice ring in his ears.

"Well, yes, I admit that it _is_ possible but it is highly improbable. And, by all means, I can't explain how or why I got here."

_It was my magic that brought you here!_

"Oh! Magic!", the Doctor said, trying very hard not to add 'I don't believe in magic!'

_I can read your thoughts!_

"Ah..." Now that was interesting... "This must be rather annoying, always knowing what people think about you. What is your home planet, if I may ask?"

_I don't have time to talk to you, imbecile! _

The Doctor frowned. "Now really! No need to get rude!"

_You are here to help me achieve my goal!_

"You could have asked first, you know!"

_Yes I could__ have_, the voice answered, _but Lord Voldemort doesn't ask. He takes whatever he needs._

"Oh, you're a Lord then, too!", he tried to engage the voice into small talk so that he could figure out what kind of alien it was. "Lord of what?"

_I have captured one of my fiercest enemies. She is a very apt__ and evil witch and I want to break the connection between her and her wand._ _Without her wand recognising her she will be powerless._

"Why don't you just kill her or break her wand then? Why do you need me?"

_There is a prophecy that says she will live forever__ and that everyone who dares to try and kill her will die painfully. And her wand is so powerful it can't be broken without injuring the one who does it._

"Oh great!", the Doctor said sarcastically. "So I have to do all that and die instead of you! That's why you needed a Time Lord!"

_Oh no... there is an easier way_. A dagger appeared out of the blue in front of the Doctor. It was only small and it's handle was encrusted with diamonds. _This dagger is full of ancient magic. If you hurt her with it she will no longer be connected with her wand. All you need to do is to shed some of her blood!_

"But why don't you do it yourself?"

_Because I don't want to!_ The screeching voice seemed to be irritated.

"You'll need to take these shackles off me or I won't be able to move!", he added, hoping that the alien would appear to do so. In this case he'd see it. Know thy enemy, they say. Because all he wanted was to get back to his TARDIS as soon as he could. This was really none of his business.

_Remember, I know what you're thinking, Time Lord! Whatever that is..._

"Oh... right!"

_My magic is so great that I don't need to be in the same room with you to make things happen. _

The door banged open. In the frame the Doctor saw a little girl, about eight years old, wearing a black school uniform he didn't recognise. Behind her stood an evil looking man. He assumed it was a babysitter of some kind since the guy shoved the little girl inside the room, but he was wearing purple silk robes and a green pointed hat and held a little stick in his hands. He looked completely ridiculous!

"Nice choice of clothing!", the Doctor told him with a happy smile. How he loved unusual people!

_This is the evil witch!_

"What?", he asked utterly perplexed. He hadn't expected a beardy witch that looked very much like a man. Although, the purple robes did look rather like a woman's dress...

_The girl, imbecile!_

"This little girl? I'm not going to hurt a little girl!", he exclaimed. He had expected an ugly alien that wanted nothing more than to devour him.

_Oh yes, you will!_

The little girl was pushed forward by her guard once more and then the man with the green hat left the room and the Doctor heard how the door was locked from the outside.

"Don't worry!", he told the little girl that looked at him with fear in her eyes. "I'll get us out of here! And I won't hurt you, that's a promise!" All of a sudden he was surrounded by a green mist. "Hey, what's that?"

_A spell. Y__ou will become very blood-thirsty when you breathe it in!_

The Doctor held his breath, his cheeks all puffed up.

_Too late, I'm afraid..._

'Luckily I'm in shackles! I won't be able to move towards the girl.', he thought as his handcuffs sprang open. 'Oh no...' He tried to step outside the green mist but it followed him wherever he went. The little girl was sitting in a corner and looked afraid. 'Oh no...', he thought again. 'Perhaps I can fight this substance if I find out what it is?' He tried to get a closer look but he couldn't really make sense of what he saw. Thousands of little green lights danced around him. He took out his sonic screwdriver and analysed it.

_What is this thing? Is that your wand?_

The Doctor nodded. If these people thought that magic existed then his screwdriver must appear a bit like a wand to them.

_I didn't knew you were a wizard!__ I randomly summoned someone! Don't you even dare to try escaping by magic, only mine works in this room!_

He gazed at his screwdriver's display, looking rather ridiculous with his cheeks still puffed up. 'Substance composed of: Dark magic', he read, 'Home planet of substance: Earth'. He shook his head in astonishment. 'So I'm on good old Earth!', he thought a little relieved. That was a planet he knew well. But who was that weird voice? He let his glance wander through the room he was in but he couldn't find any loudspeakers, be they alien or not. That was odd, he thought as he put his screwdriver back into the inside pocket of his tweed jacket. Perhaps it was an alien that was invisible? Or very small?

Eventually, he couldn't manage to hold his breath any longer. He might have two hearts but only one lung, after all. He started to breathe in the air with heavy gulps, and with horror he saw that he breathed in the green lights as well. He started to feel nauseous. He tried to close the shackles around his ankles but the moment he reached for his screwdriver again to lock them properly he fell over, unconscious.

For a few seconds nothing happened.

_What?_

The girl who had covered her eyes with her palms glanced through her fingers at the Doctor lying on the floor.

_Oi! You!_

Silence.

_Get up!_

Silence.

_Maverick! Go and have a look at the imbecile! He fainted!_

Soon afterwards the wooden door opened again and the man in the purple robe entered the room. He walked towards the Doctor and kneeled down beside him, his wand carefully risen. The Lord's spell was supposed to make the victim rabid with blood-lust and he didn't want to be attacked by the man on the floor, even if he seemed unconscious. Perhaps it was a trap... He examined the Doctor closely. His forehead was hot and wet with sweat and he shivered uncontrollably but he seemed to be senseless indeed.

"There's something wrong with him, Milord. I think he's ill.", Maverick spoke and stepped back. Whatever that disease was, he didn't want to be infected with it.

_That can't be!_, the voice shouted in anger, _My spell is not making people ill! It works perfectly! Lord Voldemort doesn't make mistakes!_

"It might be that he was sick before he was summoned, Milord!"

There were a few seconds of silence as the Lord pondered on this thought. _Yes, that must be the explanation. Bring him somewhere else, Maverick! I will summon another person!_

* * *

><p>One minute later the wizard had brought the Doctor away and another person appeared in the room with the stone walls. The instant he materialised the shackles shot from the floor where they were lying and twined almost gently around his ankles and wrists.<p>

"... and bring me some tea, Mercer!", the man was saying. Then he realised he was in another environment than before and gaped. His mouth hung open. "What?", he managed to say after several seconds of bewildered silence.

_I'm afraid there won't be any tea for you. _

"What is this place? How did I get here?", the man exclaimed, staring confused at the little girl who still sat in the corner.

_You're in Lord Voldemort's torture chamber and you're here because I summoned you!_

The man blinked several times as he tried to understand how he had gotten here. 'I must have passed out when someone attacked my ship and they have taken me into custody!', Lord Cutler Beckett thought, 'This Lord Voldemort, wherever he is, must be a pirate.'

_Not quite, Lord Beckett, not quite. Now, to business! I want you to take that dagger there on the floor and cut that little girl there in the corner. _Apparently, he didn't wish to explain once more.

The man flinched. That Voldemort-guy knew his name! "You know who I am!", he called out, "Then you must know that you break the law when you attack my ship and imprison me! I sail under His Majesty's protection!"

_D__o what I want you to do and I will liberate you!_

Lord Beckett's eyes glinted with anger, he stood very straight and addressed the wall in front of him because he didn't know whom else to speak to, "I will certainly not hurt a child!" He might be cruel to filthy pirates but he would never harm someone innocent and unarmed!

_You won't have a choice._ Lord Voldemort cast another spell. This time the little lights were blue. They attached themselves to Lord Beckett's head. _This is a deadly poison. If you won't injure the girl you will die. If you do what I want I will remove the poison. You might have a chance of survival._

The shackles came undone. "How do I know you're telling me the truth?"

_You don't. _

"I shall rather perish than harm that little girl!", Lord Beckett shouted, folded his arms and turned to face the wall behind him. He still didn't understand who that evil man was whose voice he heard and why he was asked to hurt a child but he would stick to his principles even if that meant that he was going to die. In some places the blue lights on his face began to burn his skin but he decided to ignore it. He had experienced greater pain.

With eyes wide from shock and fear the little girl watched as Cutler Beckett's face began to discolour. He still stood upright, facing the wall, but his lips had become a very thin line. Unhealthy looking grey patches appeared on his skin. His clenched fists showed that he was experiencing pain but still, he didn't move. Eventually, a faint cry evaded his lips, and he began to tremble.

_Shed her blood__ and I will stop the pain!_

Lord Beckett shook his head. He would never do what this bad person asked of him! An Englishman did not do such horrid things! His knees were shaking so hard he had to lean against the uneven wall. He felt like throwing up any second but he couldn't. He had to close his eyes because his view had clouded and he felt dizzy.

_I might still be able to find an antidote, you know!_

"I told you... I'd... rather... die!", he gasped out.

_Then I shall spare you the agony of a slow death! Avada Kedavra! _

Lord Cutler Beckett slumped against the wall he had been facing and slid down. The little girl tried to recoil even more into her corner, silent tears streaming from her eyes. Beckett's empty, dead eyes stared at her.

_Imbecile!_, Lord Voldemord shouted, sounding enraged,_ Maverick, you will need to dispose of his body while I summon someone new!_

* * *

><p>GOOD AFTERNOON LORD BECKETT!<p>

"Uh...", he looked up from where he was lying. There stood a tall figure in a black robe, holding a scythe. From under it's hood the black eyes of a skull peered at him and the hand that held the scythe was that of a skeleton. "Who are you? What happened?"

I AM DEATH. IT APPEARS YOU HAVE PASSED ON, LORD BECKETT. The figure reached into one of it's pockets and produced an hourglass. There was no sand in the upper part. YES, EVERYTHING IS IN ORDER. YOU ARE NOW OFFICIALLY DEAD.

Cutler Beckett stood up, remembering what had happened to him the moment before he had died and nodded. "Will there be tea in afterlife?"

ONLY EARL GREY, I'M AFRAID, Death sighed.

"Oh, that will do perfectly!"

* * *

><p>Meanwhile Lord Voldemort had summoned another man into his room.<p>

"Oh hello little girl!", the man in the grey coat flashed a smile at her. She was still crying and as he saw that his address of welcome didn't change her mood he frowned and said, "Listen, I can understand that you want to pass time with me but can you send me back? There is that awful Weevil who broke into someone's house and we need to-"

_I will send you back if only you do what I want you to do!_

Disgusted, Jack Harkness glanced at the girl. "You're a really good ventriloquist but you need to work on that voice, really, it's very unpleasant!"

_It is not her__ speaking! I gagged her! Now, take that dagger and cut her so that she will be bleeding!_

"Come off it! I'm not stupid, there's no toggle. And I will certainly not hurt you!"

_I don't believe it, every single one of them is an imbecile! _

The man's beautiful face grimaced. "Now that was rude, you!"

_Just take the dagger and injure her!_

"Who are you?"

_That is of no importance! Do what I want and I will let you live!_

"As if you were able to hurt me! I might be in chains but you are just a little child!"

There was a mumble as Lord Voldemort sent out his sparks again. Soon Jack's face was surrounded by blue lights.

_This is poison!_ The shackles opened themselves. _It will kill you. Hurt the girl and I will make it go away!_

"Are you mad?"

Lord Voldemort's screeching laugh filled the air. _Yes, yes, of course I am mad!_

'This is a dream!', Jack thought as he felt pain and nausea rise inside him, 'I must have passed out while we were chasing that Weevil and perhaps I got a whiff of the repellent spray and now I have insane dreams...'

_No, this is not a dream! It is very real and you will die __very soon if you don't do what I want!_

He shook his head as his view blurred. The last thing he remembered was the girl's face, even more tears streaming down her cheeks as he collapsed.

Only for a fraction of a second Lord Voldemort wondered why the last thought of the man in the torture chamber had been 'Oh well, here we go again!'. Then he called Maverick to remove the corpse.

* * *

><p>JACK HARKNESS AGAIN! I DON'T BELIEVE IT!<p>

"Hey Death! Long time no see! How do you do?"

I AM FINE, THANK YOU! HOW ARE YOU? EXCEPT FROM BEING DEAD ONCE AGAIN, OBVIOUSLY.

"Actually, when somebody says 'how do you do' you're expected to answer with the same line."

OH DEAR ME! YOU SEE, I AM NOT VERY GOOD WHEN IT COMES TO FORMALITIES. MOST PEOPLE DON'T BOTHER WITH THEM WHEN THEY MEET ME. I FIND IT RATHER RUDE BUT CONSIDERING THEY ARE USUALLY UPSET I GUESS IT'S ONLY NATURAL.

"Never mind! How long do I have?"

The hooded figure took out another hourglass. The sand in it stood completely still and Jack couldn't understand why Death was able to make anything out of what he saw. YOU WERE HURT INWARDLY AND YOUR SKIN WAS BURNED. IT WILL TAKE ABOUT THREE MINUTES FOR YOUR BODY TO REVIVE. He pocketed the hourglass again. IT WAS NICE SEEING YOU ONCE MORE, OLD FRIEND!

"Likewise!"

Death turned and began to fade as he walked away from Captain Jack Harkness.

* * *

><p>With a loud gasp and a jerk he woke from the dead.<p>

"Ah, Jack, still immortal I see!", an unknown voice sounded in his ears.

He blinked and looked around him. He seemed to be in another room with stone walls, quite like the one he had been in before but without the girl. Instead, there was a man with a bowtie kneeling on his left hand side, smiling insanely at him.

"Who are you? Have we ever met?"

"Oh of course, you won't recognise me, I have regenerated since we last met!"

"Doctor!"

"Oh yes!" The other man held out a hand to help Jack sit up.

"You look dashing, I must say!", the Captain said without letting go of the other's hand and smiled enticingly. "Wait, did you have to regenerate because of that ventriloquist?"

The Doctor raised an eyebrow. "Why, thank you. And no, I regenerated before that. This Lord Voldemort sent some substance after me and said it was supposed to make me blood-thirsty. I guess it didn't work on me because I am not human. I woke up here again. But how come you are here?"

"This Lord Voldemort-girl-"

"It's not the girl who was speaking, it must be some kind of invisible alien!"

"Oh I see! She... he said something like that but I didn't believe him. Anyway, he tried another trick on me. He poisoned me and told me if I hurt the girl he'll give me an antidote."

"I am glad you didn't do what he wanted you to. But I think it's time we figured out what is going on here."

"So this isn't just a dream?"

"I have considered the possibility but I'm afraid not. Look, there is a dead man I have never seen before."

Jack turned just to see a corpse lying on the floor. It was dressed in what seemed to be a theatre costume and its skin was awfully white with grey dots on it and the man stared emptily at the ceiling. His black hat lay lonely at his side. Jack gulped.

"One never dreams of unknown dead people.", the Doctor said, "It must be all real!"

"But how did we get here in the first place?"

"I'm afraid I have no idea, my friend. It is time we got out of this room though to save the little girl!", the Doctor said while he fished his sonic screwdriver out of his pocket.

* * *

><p>"I'm not bovvered!"<p>

_But I will kill you!_

"Told ya, I'm not bovvered!"

_Silly girl, do what I say or I will definitely kill you!_

"Look at my face!"

There were three seconds of silence.

"Look at my face!"

_Yes, I __am looking at your face!_

"Is my face bovvered?"

_No, but-_

"Look!"

_What-_

"Face!"

_Stop-_

"Bovvered?"

_Don't-_

"Sir!"

_It's Lord!_

"Fine, then Lord!"

_What?_

The ginger girl pointed at her face. "I ask you again: Is my face bovvered?"

_It__ should be because you will die!_

"I don't care cause I ain't bovvered!"

_What does 'bovvered' mean anyway? Can't you speak proper English?_

Lauren Cooper took a deep breath and leaned against the wall, crossing her arms defiantly. She really wasn't bothered. She had faced worse than bodiless voices and mute crying girls. She didn't understand how she came to be here but then again, she wasn't bothered. It was just a tad better than school. But if this voice wanted her to speak 'proper English', she would show it that she was indeed able to do so. She sighed and said, "Amest I bothered?"

_What?_

She pointed at her face again which was wearing a very bored look. "Looketh at my face!"

_We had that bit before!_

"Is that the bothered face thou see before thee?"

_No-_

"I be not bothered, forsooth-"

_You-_

"I be not bothered!"

_But-_

"Doest thou understand?"

_Yes, but-_

"My liege!"

_Stop it!_

"My liege!"

_Avada-_

"My liege!"

_Ava__-_

"MY LIEGE!"

_WHAT__?_ Voldemort's voice sounded _very_ annoyed.

"Just listen: I ain't bothered!"

_Avada Ked-_

"Look, face, you, kill me, bovvered?"

_Avada-_

"No, it's not! Cause I am NOT bovvered!"

_Lauren-_

"I AIN'T BOVVERED!", she shouted.

_AAARGH! Maverick,__ I can't stand that girl! Bring her somewhere else! _

* * *

><p>"Shh, I think someone is coming!", the Doctor whispered. He had just opened the door with his sonic screwdriver. Now that he heard steps and the voice of an angry girl he locked it again and told Jack to pretend to be dead. Both laid back on the floor and waited.<p>

The door opened with a creak. "There you go, to the dead and the sick!", they heard someone speaking.

"Am I bovvered?"

"Do I care?", the wizard replied and went out to close the door.

As soon as he was gone the Doctor sat up and stared at the ginger girl. "Donna?"

"Huh?"

Jack sat up as well. "It's you! Donna Noble! I don't believe it!"

"Wha'?"

"Why are you wearing a school uniform?", Jack asked with a sultry voice, raising an interested eyebrow.

"I'm not Donna, I'm Lauren, mate! An' I'm wearing it cause I have to."

The Doctor looked surprised. "You must be related then! You look so much like Donna!"

Lauren shrugged. "Don't know any Donna."

"Anyway, we were just getting out of here."

Jack nodded. "We find it strange that this Lord Voldemort summons people to hurt that little girl. The Doctor thought that probably he can't do it himself."

"So let's go and save her before he finds someone who's ready to do it."

"Yeah, wha'eva..."

* * *

><p>"Oh hello dear!", a voice that sounded friendly but a little tired rang through the torture chamber. When there was no answer from the crying girl the man in his dressing gown started talking again. "Has this something to do with that improbability drive? One to seven million and whatever against?"<p>

_Do me a favour! Take the dagger and stab the girl!_ The voice that boomed through the room was very tense. Voldemort was angry that his plan hadn't worked so far and this Lauren Cooper had gone on his nerves like no one had ever before. All he wanted was that finally someone shed the blood of that stupid little witch!

"What?" Arthur Dent seemed only mildly surprised. He looked at the weapon on the floor as if he didn't know what it was. He had experienced a lot of weird things in the last days.

_Just hurt her, go on!_

Arthur decided that he had gone insane. Two minutes before he had been inside the _Heart of Gold_ with Zaphod Beeblebrox and his cousin. Now he saw a silently weeping girl in school uniform who completely ignored him. He knew that school uniforms didn't exist anymore since Earth was no more, so all this couldn't be real. There was even a voice inside his head who told him to murder someone. He sighed. "Listen, is there a possibility to get some proper tea here?"

_Why does everyone want __bloody tea?_, Voldemort shouted.

"It's just, I haven't had real tea since I was on my home planet and now it's destroyed and I have never _ever_ found some proper tea since then.", he felt the need to explain. "There was that weird machine on the _Heart of Gold_ but it only produced something quite like but not exactly like tea."

_Just go and use the dagger to injure that little witch, OK?_

Arthur sighed again. "You are really quite impolite, you know, to call her a witch! I thought that the voice in my head would be a little nicer since it's a product of my own mind."

_Go on, she just needs to lose a little blood, not much! If you don't do it I'll kill you!_

"But you're not real! You exist only in my mind."

_I'm serious! I have killed the others before you as well!_

"Oh, go ahead then..."

_What?_

"I'm not really sure whether life is worthwhile when you're insane and have no tea. Could I at least have some now? As a last wish?"

_Maverick, __I am tired of this! He is not going to hurt the girl either. Bring him away!_

"Oh hello! Are you the one to bring me the tea?", Arthur smiled weakly at the wizard who opened the wooden door. 'I must be barking!', he thought, 'To come up with such a ridiculous dress-code!'

_OH, THIS IS DRIVING ME MAD!_

* * *

><p>As soon as he had walked out of the stone walled room the voice in his head ceased talking to him. 'I hope this is a good sign.', Arthur thought.<p>

As they stepped around a corner there suddenly stood another girl in school uniform before them. She was older than the one in the torture chamber though, she looked about seventeen.

"What are you doing here? How did you get out?", Maverick asked her and raised his wand. Before he could speak any further Jack jumped at him from behind and put his hand over the wizard's mouth while the Doctor took away his wand and pocketed it.

"Oh hello!", Arthur greeted the three new people without much surprise. All this was getting more and more mad. It seemed there was no possibility at all that he was ever going to be sane again.

Without the help of Lauren Captain Jack and the Doctor tied Maverick up in the room they had been in. Then they took away his keys and locked it from the outside.

As the four of them walked towards the torture chamber they heard an angry cry. _How dare you! I will have you killed!_

The Doctor raised his sonic screwdriver to open the door but at that very instant it sprung open and a tall man with dark hair stood in the frame, clutching the dagger with which he had forced open the lock. He ran outside, his grey woollen coat flying, and promptly hurtled into one of them.

"Oof!", said Arthur.

"John?", said the man.

"Nice to meet you, John. I'm Arthur!"

"No, you're John! You're Dr. John Watson!"

Arthur was lost. "The guy from the _Sherlock Holmes_ books?"

"What books?"

_Come back you imbecile!_, Lord Voldemort's voice screeched.

"Can you please continue flirting another time, gents?", asked Jack, "There's a girl to be saved!" Then he darted into the room, ignored Voldemort's _You...!_ _How can you be alive?_, and gathered up the little child who still sat in the same corner of the room where he had last seen her.

Meanwhile Arthur had gone very red and spluttered, "I was never... how dare he allege..."

"Ignore him!", the Doctor patted his shoulder, "He's always like that!" Then he changed the subject. "You stay here, I'll be looking for this Lord Voldemort and will try to-"

"You won't have to look very long!" The voice they had heard screeching through the torture chamber now sounded less booming but still very unpleasant. They all turned and faced a gruesome... person. He was very pale, his skin seeming even more unhealthy since he was clad in black. He had slits where his nose should be and his eyes glared with a red fire.

The Doctor was pretty sure he wasn't humanoid. He reached in his pocket for his screwdriver to analyse the alien in front of him.

Arthur told himself that his wasn't a pleasant form of insanity. He hadn't known that his mind was able to produce such horrid images.

The figure spread out his arms as if to welcome them and said, "I am Lord Voldemort!"

"Innit though!", a bored Lauren said. Voldemort glared at her but she didn't seem to mind.

At that precise moment Captain Jack appeared in the door frame, holding the little girl.

The Doctor remembered something and had an idea. He had his hand still in his inner pocket but instead of the sonic screwdriver he produced the wand he had taken from Maverick and threw it at the girl.

As Lord Voldemort realised what was happening he reached for his own wand but the tall man with the black hair was faster and tried to stab him with the dagger he was still holding. The evil wizard flinched and receded as if the weapon was the most horrible thing he'd ever seen. This distraction was enough for the little girl to catch the wand and with a flick of it she produced ropes that bound themselves tightly around Voldemort. Another flick and his wand flew from of his long, spider-like fingers. His screeching cry of surprise was muffled by a gag that wound itself around his head.

Only then the girl pointed the wand at herself to undo the silencing charm Voldemort had put on her. "Thank you Captain! You can let me down now.", she said haughtily.

Jack looked at her with a glint of astonishment in his eyes but did as she had told him.

The little girl flicked her wand again. "I have informed the Ministry of Magic that I have caught Lord Voldemort. They will be here very soon."

"While we wait, could you please explain this situation to us?", the dark-haired man clutching the diamond encrusted dagger asked. It sounded more like a demand than a question.

The little girl looked at him and although he was much taller than her the haughty look didn't leave her face. "Lord Voldemort captured me. I am Tabitha Renfield, the most able witch in the world. He needed to break the connection between me and my wand because I am the only person on Earth who can defeat him."

"Wait, we are on Earth?", Arthur asked.

Tabitha cast him an indignant glance. "This dagger", she went on, ignoring his comment, "is the only magical object that can achieve such a thing. It is full of white magic though and he couldn't touch it without being burned."

"But this is impossible!", Arthur added.

The little witch chose to ignore him once more. "Therefore he summoned random people to accomplish his task. Luckily nobody would do it for him."

"The Earth was destroyed two weeks ago to make way for a hyperspace bypass!"

"Ah!", said the Doctor, "I think I can explain that!"

"John, what are you talking about? Have you gone mad?", the tall man in the grey woollen coat said, looking at Arthur with a glint of concern in his eyes.

"Yes", the other man answered, "I am completely bonkers!"

"What interests _me_ most is: Who are _you_?", Jack asked, eyeing the man in the dark grey coat from head to toe, winking and putting on a coquettish smile.

"I'm Sherlock Holmes, as John has already figured out.", he replied, also very haughtily and his voice bordering on the edge of ennui.

"But I am Arthur! Arthur Dent!", explained Arthur. "Listen, if this is Earth, can anyone tell me where I can get a decent cup of tea? Where exactly are we? Please, don't tell me we're in Scandinavia! They don't know how to make tea in Scandinavia!"

"Let's all calm down for a moment, shall we?", the Doctor said, raising both his hands in front of him. Everyone turned to look at him except Tabitha who kept a watchful glance at her enemy. "I can explain this! We all seem to come from different dimensions. Lauren here", he pointed at the still bored looking girl, "is in my dimension a woman called Donna. And Mr. Dent", he pointed at the mildly confused man in the dressing gown, "seems to be Mr. Holmes' friend in another dimension. That's why you believe", he nodded at Sherlock, "that you know him but actually he shouldn't exist in your world." He looked at all of them. "Is that clear?" Nobody answered. "OK. Then our next question must be: How do we get home again? Because no one of us should be here. In this dimension magic exists and in ours it doesn't."

"But I don't want to go back, not now I'm back on Earth!", Arthur said, looking like a sad puppy.

"I'm afraid it must be! It should be impossible for the dimensions to mingle like this and it is not good."

"I'm not going back to school either! School's well boring!", Lauren piped up.

"How are we supposed to get back anyway?", Jack asked as he finally managed to take his eyes off of Sherlock.

The Doctor smiled. "Magic brought us here and it will bring us back!" He pointed at Tabitha. "Here is the most talented witch in this dimension. If Voldemort managed to summon us then she will be able to bring us back." He turned towards the little girl. "Or aren't you?"

She looked at him. "Of course I am able to do that!", she replied sharply and let her wand swish through the air. One second later nobody but her and Lord Voldemort were present. She smiled slyly to herself. Now everyone would believe that she had managed to capture the evil wizard all alone...


End file.
